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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?